Accessing Self: What My Printer (and a Months-Long Waiting Game) Taught Me About Protector Parts
I am someone who has part(s) who can get REALLY bent out of shape when feeling like a solution cannot be found (i.e. beliefs around helplessness and powerless). When this happens, a part will cause me to be stuck in which it is very hard to move on and this part will fixate on trying to fix the issue. I see this most show up with my printer. I rarely use it but whenever I really need it to work, it throws a fit and absolutely will not work. I then will spend about two hours trying to resolve it or contemplating going full "Office Space" on that motherf**cker. I cannot be the only one.
When a Protector Part Tries to Fix What Cannot Be Fixed
Recently, I was in a situation where I was working towards something for a substantial amount of time but needed someone else to give me the green light to proceed with what I had worked so hard on. Despite efforts to get this project to move along, I could not force the other person to address what needed to be done so that I could then complete this project. I am talking months here.
I found myself continuing to think about it multiple times a day. I knew there was a part that was continuing to nudge me to "fix" it so that I would no longer feel helpless. It really thought that I could somehow make someone else do something which is not that surprising given this part is really young and does not think like an adult. It goes something like this:
Remind me to fix it
Urge me to fix it
I can't fix it because I cannot bop people on their heads until they do what I ask
I feel helpless
Despite this part's efforts to try to fix the situation so I would not be activated by a younger part who feels helpless, the result was…you guessed it, activating my part who feels helpless.
The IFS Spiral: When Protector Parts and Younger Parts Keep Looping
Then a part of me that is a teenager would step in and get super pissed about the whole thing. I found myself on this endless carousel of remembering the situation, feeling helpless and then feeling angry only to loop back on "how can I fix it"? It was exhausting. Spiral, anyone?
Unblending and Getting Curious with a Protector Part
I decided to take a beat and sit on my couch and really hear from this one who kept reminding me and prompting me to fix it. When I was able to connect to it with genuine curiosity from my heart, rather than my head, it softened. I stopped arguing with it. I stopped asking it to stop doing it and instead said "tell me more about why this is so bothersome to you" with genuine interest and an open heart. (NOTE: This sounds easy but it often isn't as other parts start to step in, such as one that is frustrated with the part who reminds me of the issue).
What My Protector Part Was Actually Carrying
I sat down on my cozy couch and my part who reminds me to "fix it" softened. I was able to see that she had a deep need for things to be resolved. She only wants what is best for me. She acknowledged I worked so hard on this project and she was reminding me again and again so that I would take steps to resolve the issue. She did not realize I couldn't make it happen. She was genuinely worried the other person would never address the part of the project that was needed before I could take the project over the finish line. She knew I had spent years working towards this and she was concerned about ramifications if this project did not get done.
Accessing Self Energy While a Part Is Still Activated
I felt very connected to her but at the same time, connected to Self, the me who is not a part. Self knew that even if it never was completed, we had all the qualities we needed to succeed. Self had unwavering confidence. Self knew this would not deter me. I could accept if the person did not follow through AND I would be successful. Self knew we would simply find another way. As I held both knowings: the part who urgently needed it to be resolved and Self who knew in every cell of my body that all would be well, the part softened and began to let go. It began to see the confidence Self had in our system.
Holding Two Knowings: A Part's Urgency and Self's Confidence
It was this beautiful, enlightened moment of holding two knowings. To be honest, I still have more connecting to do with this protector part who reminds me and urges me to resolve issues but she trusted we would be okay even if the person did not follow through. And now she has more space to go back to fretting over the printer when it inevitably does not work.
Fast Forward: What Changed After Connecting to Self
The person did follow through a few weeks later and I succeeded in accomplishing my goal. I didn't have to bop them on the head.
IFS Therapy and IFS Informed EMDR in Orange County, CA
Curious about your own parts?
This is what IFS therapy and IFS Informed EMDR make possible: getting to know your protectors instead of fighting them, and building a real relationship with Self.
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If you would like to explore your own beautiful constellation of parts, reach out through my Contact Form or Schedule a Free Consultation.
All parts and Self are welcome.
What Stranger Things Taught Me About Self-Energy: The 8 C's of IFS Therapy
What Stranger Things Taught Me About Self-Energy
How the final season's characters embodied the 8 C's of IFS and what that means for your own healing
By Denise Lee, LMFT & LPCC | IFS Therapist in Orange County, CA
⚠️ SPOILER WARNING: This post discusses major plot points and character arcs from Stranger Things Season 5, including the finale. If you haven't finished the series yet, bookmark this and come back when you're ready.
I'll be honest, I didn't expect to spend part of my holiday season crying over a group of teenagers from Hawkins, Indiana. But here we are.
When the final season of Stranger Things dropped in November 2025, I did what any reasonable IFS therapist would do: I watched it all, and then I watched it again, this time through a very different lens. Because what the Duffer Brothers gave us in this last season wasn't just a satisfying end to a beloved story. It was, whether they intended it or not, a beautiful illustration of what Internal Family Systems therapy calls Self-energy.
In IFS, the Self is the compassionate, grounded core of who you are. It isn't a part; it's what's underneath all of them; what you were born with. And when you're operating from Self, you embody what Richard Schwartz describes as the 8 C's of IFS: Curiosity, Calm, Clarity, Connectedness, Confidence, Courage, Creativity, and Compassion. These qualities emerge naturally when your parts aren't running the show.
As I watched each character step into their most Self-led moments in Season 5, I kept seeing the characters embody qualities of Self. Let's talk about it.
1. Curiosity: Will Byers
Will Byers has spent four seasons being the one things happen to. He was taken, possessed and connected to Vecna against his will. For most of the series, his parts were understandably in survival mode and there isn’t room for curiosity when you're just trying to stay alive.
But in Season 5, something shifted. He made the decision to come out to his friends and family as he became curious about what he truly felt. He stopped asking "what is wrong with me?" and started asking "what is this part of me trying to say?"
In IFS, curiosity is a sign that the Self is present. When we can approach even our most painful or confusing inner experiences with genuine interest rather than fear or judgment, something begins to open up.
2. Calm: Eleven
Eleven's power has always been connected to her emotion and in the earlier seasons, that wasn't always a stable combination. Her abilities surged and collapsed depending on what was happening inside her.
Season 5 gave us a different Eleven. One who had done enough inner work through her connection with Mike and her found family. When faced with the impossible choice of whether to sacrifice herself to close the Upside Down, she didn't spiral. She got quiet. She got calm.
Calm in IFS doesn't mean the absence of emotion. It means your parts aren't flooded. It means there's enough space inside you to feel what's real without being consumed by it. Eleven's calm in those final moments wasn't detachment. It was the deep, settled groundedness that only comes when the Self is leading.
3. Clarity: Nancy Wheeler
Nancy Wheeler has spent most of Stranger Things caught between competing parts; the part that wanted to be taken seriously as an investigator and journalist and the part that worried about what others expected of her. She was brilliant but often unclear about what she actually wanted, including waffling between Steve and Jonathan.
In Season 5, Nancy got clear. Her decision to end her relationship with Jonathan after an honest recognition that they had grown in different directions was a moment of real clarity. So was her steady, unwavering commitment to stopping Vecna even when the odds were terrifying.
Clarity in IFS is what happens when our protectors step back enough for us to see a situation without distortion. Nancy no longer filtered through "what should I do" or "what will people think" and finally saw clearly and acted from that place.
4. Connectedness: Mike Wheeler
Mike's greatest struggle across the entire series has been his fear that he is ordinary and not special and that he has nothing to offer. This fear got in the way of true connection because real connection requires showing up as yourself, not as the version of yourself you think someone needs.
His arc in the final season was about learning the difference. His conversation with Eleven where he finally told her that she didn't need her powers for him to love her, that he loved her, that was the moment a part that had been in the driver's seat for years finally stepped aside. What replaced it was genuine connectedness. Not attachment. Not need. But a real, warm, present sense of belonging with another person.
Connectedness in IFS means feeling a sense of being with: with others, with your own parts, with life itself. It is relational, not transactional. Mike found it when he stopped trying to earn it.
5. Confidence: Steve Harrington
Steve Harrington's redemption arc across the series has been one of the most satisfying in recent television. He went from self-absorbed former popular kid to the group's most fiercely protective, emotionally available member but confidence took longer for him than courage did.
In Season 5, Steve demonstrated something quieter than bravery. He had a settled, grounded trust in himself. He showed up without needing recognition for it. He had buried his longstanding tension with Jonathan without fanfare. He was comfortable in his own skin in a way that earlier versions of him never were.
IFS distinguishes confidence from bravado. Bravado is a part covering for fear. Confidence is the Self knowing it can handle what comes. Steve Harrington, former king of Hawkins High, finally found the real thing.
6. Courage: Max Mayfield
If any character in Stranger Things embodies what it means to be Self-led in the face of genuine terror, it is Max.
After surviving Vecna's attack in Season 4, Max spent most of Season 5 navigating a kind of living grief in knowing she was still a target connected to something that wanted her gone. And yet she kept moving forward not because she wasn't afraid but because something in her recognized that staying small was its own kind of danger.
Courage in IFS isn't the absence of fear. It's the willingness to act from the Self even when your parts are screaming at you not to. Max had terrified parts. but she didn't let them make her decisions. That is courage. That is the Self saying, I see you. I've got this. We can do this.
7. Creativity: Dustin Henderson
Dustin has always been the one who thinks differently and finds the solution no one else sees. He approaches the impossible with a kind of delighted, energized problem-solving that can only come from a genuinely undefended, boundless place.
In IFS, creativity is a hallmark of Self-energy because creativity requires the kind of openness and play that defensive parts shut down. When we're in protector mode, we stick to what's safe and familiar. When the Self is present, new possibilities emerge.
Dustin's contributions in Season 5 weren't just plot devices. They were a reflection of what happens when someone moves through the world from a genuinely curious, undefended place. He didn't approach problems with dread. He approached them with his whole imaginative self. That is Self-energy at work.
8. Compassion: Hopper and Joyce
I'm giving this one to two characters because I think they demonstrate compassion in beautifully different ways.
Hopper's compassion in Season 5 arrived slowly. He was so fearful of losing another person he loved, that a part of him fought against letting Eleven be herself. His time in the Soviet prison broke him open in ways that earlier versions of him would have armored against. What came out the other side was a man who could hold other people's pain without needing to fix it, solve it, or run from it. A man who could finally be present with Eleven not just as a protector but as someone who saw her fully.
Joyce's compassion was steadier and more constant but in Season 5 it deepened into something more Self-led. She had spent years being the one who held everyone else's fear. In the final season, she began to let herself be held too. Real compassion, IFS teaches us, has to include compassion for ourselves and Joyce finally began to practice that and allow for that.
Compassion in IFS is not pity. It is not fixing. It is the warm, spacious ability to be present with your own suffering and the suffering of others without needing it to be different than it is. Both Hopper and Joyce found their way there.
So What Does This Mean for You?
Here's what I want you to take from this, beyond the very enjoyable excuse to rewatch Stranger Things:
The 8 C's of IFS aren't qualities reserved for fictional heroes facing supernatural villains. They are available to you. They live inside you already, not as traits to develop or achievements to earn, but as natural expressions of who you are when your protective parts feel safe enough to step back.
Your parts have been working hard. The part that stays busy so you don't have to feel. The part that snaps when you feel cornered. The part that shrinks in relationships to avoid being too much. The part that keeps the peace even when it costs you yourself. These parts aren't your enemies. Like the characters of Hawkins, they've been doing the best they can with what they had.
But you also have a Self. And that Self is curious, calm, clear, connected, confident, courageous, creative, compassionate and has been there all along, waiting for a chance to lead.
That's what IFS therapy is really about. Not getting rid of your difficult parts. It is not the absence of parts but the awareness of parts we are aiming for by helping them trust that you, your Self, can finally take the wheel.
If you're curious about what parts work therapy or Internal Family Systems therapy might look like for you, I'd love to connect. As an IFS therapist in Orange County, CA, I work with adults navigating trauma, anxiety, and relationship patterns and helping them access the Self-energy that's been there all along.
If any of this resonated with you, whether you're a Stranger Things fan, someone curious about IFS therapy, or someone who has been feeling like your own parts are at war, I'd love to connect. I offer IFS and EMDR therapy in Orange County, CAas well as online IFS therapy in California, Colorado, and Florida. You can schedule a free 20-minute consultation here.
Finding Inner Connection This Thanksgiving: A Reflection Through Internal Family Systems (IFS) Therapy in Orange County, CA
It all begins with an idea.
While I’m aware that Thanksgiving carries many meanings—some filled with loss and grief and others full of coziness and connection—I found myself reflecting today on the importance of connecting with the parts of myself before stepping into the chaos of connecting with family.
I was invited to spend the day at Knott’s Berry Farm with my nephews. One part of me urged me to go, reminding me that the boys are growing up and that one day their lives will be filled with friends, activities, and independence. But another part of me, a much quieter yet persistent one, spoke up about how busy I’ve been and how deeply I’ve been yearning for inner peace. This part asked me—loudly—to slow down. To pause. To create space so the parts of me that usually stay in the background could finally take the mic.
So this morning, instead of joining the hustle and bustle (which, let’s be honest, would only lead to checking my Oura Ring later and seeing I’d been stressed for 12 hours straight), I chose a slower pace. I made coffee. I took a solo walk without headphones. I admired the holiday decorations. I exchanged “Good morning” and “Happy Thanksgiving” greetings with neighbors. And in that quiet space, I was able to hear from different parts of myself—each one holding something important.
We are often torn between the demands of others, the expectations of who we think we’re supposed to be, and the fear of letting people down. In that tension, it becomes harder to hear the softer, quieter voices within us—our exiles, our protectors, our managers—all trying in their own ways to help us feel safe and connected.
If you’re curious about exploring these inner dynamics and learning why your parts may feel conflicted, Internal Family Systems therapy (IFS) can be a powerful approach. Many people find that parts work helps them cultivate more clarity, compassion, and self-trust. If you’re looking for IFS therapy in Orange County, CA, this may be the right time to begin a deeper journey into understanding your inner world.
Wherever you are and whatever your holiday season looks like, my hope is that you feel connected to yourself—and that your parts feel seen, heard, and supported.
If you would like to learn more about IFS therapy or begin working with an IFS Trained therapist in Orange County, click here.