Therapy for Self-Esteem and Depression in Orange, CA
Online therapy for Self-Esteem and Depression in California and Florida
Become your own best friend
How could every area of your life improve if you had more self-confidence?
At work you get a promotion but you think to yourself, “I am not really the best candidate”. Your boss tells you that you are but you still have imposter syndrome. You feel like all your coworkers are questioning how you got picked. Surely you could not have earned this promotion. You worry every day about being found out.
You often think to yourself that you are “not good enough”. You are often comparing yourself to others and feeling that you do not measure up. When people compliment you or give you positive feedback you dismiss it and say “they are just being nice or polite”. If you find that you’ve made one teensy-tiny mistake, you start telling yourself that you are an utter failure. You feel you must be perfect to measure up and these unrealistic goals and expectations you have of yourself contribute to you feeling like you are always falling short, perpetuating that narrative that you are not good enough.
Because you are afraid of others finding out that you are not measuring up, you tend to socially isolate. It’s easier to be hidden than to have the inevitable rejection you think must surely be around the corner.
And thus you are afraid of making decisions because you worry that it will be the wrong choice and thus others will discover your ineptitude. This may even contribute to procrastination in making decisions or working on projects because you may feel you are not capable. This fear of failure can cause you to be afraid to take risks and try new things.
This lack of confidence can also show up in how you see your body. You may find yourself constantly fixated on one or multiple areas of your body and focus so much on these areas, that you start to see flaws where flaws do not exist.
And where does this get you?
Not letting your boss know you are seeking a promotion because you have imposter syndrome and so you find yourself not getting ahead like those around you
Avoiding those you love or want to get close to because of the perpetual narrative that you are not good enough
Overly focusing on your body and weight due to shame around how your body looks which causes you to avoid situations in which you might show more of your body (like the beach)
Constantly asking for reassurance from others because you are so terrified you will make a wrong decision. You know this is annoying those you love but you cannot help it!
Imagine instead…
That you are clear about your career goals and actively pursue them. You simultaneously know what your strengths are and how to improve. Rather than being bogged down by what you need to improve, you rise to the challenge. You get that promotion you have been working towards and you don’t question whether you earned it. When you are leading meetings and projects, you present as self-assured and others are confident you know what you are doing.
You are able to accept a compliment by saying “thank you”. A compliment is a word present, after all. When others give you positive feedback, you don’t second guess it or dismiss it, as you often see your positive attributes already and so others are just reflecting back what you already know to be true. When someone does give you constructive feedback, you own it, and graciously consider how to make adjustments in the future and such feedback does not cause you to question if you are good enough.
You feel comfortable in social settings because you feel you belong and deserve a seat at the table. You are no longer paralyzed by fears of rejection. You know you will not be everyone’s cup of tea but you also know that you are a lovable person and it’s easy to find others who appreciate and value you.
When it comes to making decisions or taking on new projects, you think to yourself, “I can handle whatever comes”. Because of this, you feel comfortable moving forward with risks and changes and see them as a challenge that can lead to deep, personal growth. You know that whatever happens, you will succeed or self-correct until you succeed.
Instead of focusing on flaws you see in your body, you focus on the parts of your body that make you feel beautiful. You see your positive qualities and you don’t put too much pressure on worth and love being determined by the body. You feel grateful for your body and marvel at the things it can do and sensations you experience (like the feeling of flying when you go down a hill on your bicycle.)
Together, we will work on helping you see yourself more accurately. We will start by identifying where the negative, untrue messages came from and whether we can confidently trust those sources. Then we will look at the facts and the evidence of how those you love and respect see you. We will focus on gratitude and self-compassion meditations and cultivating more positive relationships with others as well as yourself. Afterall, you will be with yourself for the rest of your life. Wouldn’t it make sense to become your own best friend? In the words of Lizzo, “I know I’m a queen but I don’t need no crown”
Therapy for self-esteem and depression can help you:
Experience more self-compassion and self-love
Trust yourself more at work by knowing you are capable and competent which leads to you pursuing the career you want rather than waiting on the sidelines
Engage more socially through improved self-compassion and self-acceptance which leads to feeling more comfortable and confident around others and enhancing your circle of support.
Feel more confident in your skin and body and no longer be stifled by beliefs that you can’t wear the styles and colors that make your heart sing; so you can be more authentically YOU!
What if you could be your own best friend?
FAQs
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Depression feels like such a slog. It can feel like any movement requires so much effort. It can make you think negative thoughts about yourself that you would otherwise not say. It can make you feel triggered and sensitive to things that otherwise would seem benign. It can feel like you are emotionally sunburnt. It can make you feel hopeless and desire to be alone, even though there is a part of you that really wants to be with others but feels you cannot because you don’t feel well and don’t want to burden others.
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If things feel so much more effortful than before or you find yourself desiring to be alone, canceling plans, being less active in general, finding it difficult to experience joy, find yourself sleeping more often and having more negative thoughts about yourself, then you might be experiencing depression.
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Self-esteem is often impacted by interactions with others when we are young. Because we have so much contact with our parents, we are often greatly impacted by the words they use to describe us. If we tend to come from critical parents, we often will feel like we are never measuring up. However, if we come from parents who are loving and generous with positive feedback as well as encouraging when we are faced with challenges, we tend to have a more positive sense of self.
Self-esteem can also be impacted by the company we keep (I.e. choice in friends and partners) as well as how we do academically. If we tend to not do so well at school, we can see ourselves as “stupid” and perpetuate this negative narrative for life until we correct and address these distorted beliefs.
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When starting therapy, it is often ideal to attend weekly. Attending weekly helps your therapist have a better understanding of how negative self-statements developed and helps your therapist quickly provide some skills and tools to provide relief. While these skills and tools can empower you to have some quick relief, getting at the root of why one has low self-esteem can provide more in-depth results.
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There are many types of therapies for depression and some may resonate more strongly for some than others. For example, if self-esteem issues cause the depression and are related to childhood messages, EMDR may be most helpful as it gets to the root of those memories as well as creates more adaptive ways of looking at the self. Sometimes depression is due to emotional trauma; a sense of loneliness even with loved ones, a suspicion of whether others really love us, a feeling that we do not belong or that we are bad or unlovable. Therefore, EMDR is a great option for depression.
CBT can help with challenging distorted thoughts and may be preferred for those who prefer not to tackle those painful memories. For others, meditations that focus on self-compassion can be very helpful. We can tailor the treatment to your own unique needs.
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There certainly are! One such group is the Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance DBSA) which are offered both in-person or online. Another well known one is the National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) which offers support groups for those with mental health issues as well as groups for loved ones of those with mental health issues. See links below.
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Low self-esteem involves the core understanding of how one sees oneself and can impact whether someone sees themselves as a worthwhile person. It contributes to one seeing themselves in a distorted, negative way. Instead of looking at oneself clearly and realistically, a person may instead focus on perceived flaws. If one tends to focus on perceived negative qualities and dismisses positive qualities, eventually that can lead to an increase in depressed mood.
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Sadness is inevitable for all us at times in our lives. How sadness turns into depression is when we see the sad situation as a never ending pattern of defeat.
For example, if your best friend moves away, of course you are going to be devastated. However, if you say to yourself, “I may as well not get close to people again because they end up leaving” or something like “I am doomed to be alone because I am not as good as others”, then this is more considered depression.
It is also important to keep in mind that a person can be confident in certain areas but still experience self-esteem issues. For example, a person may feel confident in running a business but in general feel like an unlikable or unlovable person.
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